It probably wasn't the right thing to do.
But I had to be there. I had to help him. I had to do it.
Me.
Selfish selfish selfish. I told Rhea I wasn't trying to fix him, but that was a lie. I was trying to fix him, all by myself.
Myself.
Gods. Jesse once told me that if he thought I was selfish, he'd keep his distance from me. What if he knew my motivations? Of course my first concern was getting him better. I'm not self-loathing enough to think that it was all just some manipulative ploy. But when Rhea really wrapped her head around what I was proposing and started questioning me, I panicked.
I couldn't just let him slip away to the Genesis. They wouldn't let me stay next to him the entire time, through all the sweat, vomit and delusions. And I had everything we needed to detox him in my house. It's more comfortable here anyway, not that he knew any comfort the entire time. But when he woke up, when his eyes cleared, I was there.
There I go, justifying everything, just like I did when I was talking to Rhea. But he's better, right? These means seem pretty easily justified.
But now he's talking to Regas. Who knows what will happen, and Rhea probably hates me. She's going to take Reece and Reed is going to agree with her - why shouldn't he? She was right.
Selfish.
