Second Letter

Written on 20 ACH. Folded-up and placed into one of the books in her bunk.

Dear Mom,
I guess I probably worried you all with my last letter. I was in a bad place. Sorry about that. Given the circumstances, its kinda hard to not be so fatalistic, ya know? Sucks. I miss you a lot, too. I wrote to Dad first because I need he understands the military better. When I think about you, I want to get away and forget all this. Head to Sheldon Street downtown and hit the Fashion Cube. Spend stupid cubits on shoes I'll never wear that match outfits nobody will see. You've become my comfort zone, Mom. Dad and Paps are keeping my head up when I have to face duty. But when it becomes too much? When it hurts. That's when I want to see you the most. Hear you sing to me like you did when I fell in your rose bush. I still feel awful about that by the way. Crushed half of them and my wailing.. Embarrassing!!!

I know I was pretty dark when I wrote to Dad. I guess. No, its okay, I think. I haven't really changed how I think. Now wait, before you go pouting about your girl, I want you to hear me out. See.. I think.. I think losing you all so quickly without saying goodbye? It hu toppled me. Inside. I had always had you guys to prop me up. Remind me that no matter how bad things got, I still had you all. Well now things are at their worst and part of the reason is because I don't have you and Dad. I guess I wish I was dead. I mean, obviously I don't want to die, but I miss you guys so much it hurts. I know I can't see you all again until it happens. I suppose that sounds really depressing, doesn't it? Well its not meant to be. Seeā€¦ I think I'm okay with it. I've had time to digest everything and.. I'm okay with it. I'm building my own strength. Finding my own way. And if I die, its clean. I don't have anyone here to leave behind. Micah is really my only friend and reason to stick around. At least on this end. I know you all want me here. I've just found peace, I think. Whenever I meet the guns of a Raider on a bad day.. whenever it happens.. its okay. People here will pretend they miss me for a few days but I'll be where I really want to be. With you all. I just worry how Micah will take it when it happens. Poor guy.

Chin up, mom! Everything will be okay. I'll see you when I see you. I just want you to know that your daughter is doing okay and isn't on the verge of collapse anymore. I have my distractions. I'm still looking for my reasons, as promised. I'm not giving up yet. Oh I hope its okay I put that picture up in Sickbay. Everyone seems to be putting the best ones up. Thought it said the most about us. <3

Give Dad a big kiss for me.
Pass the love around.
If you're with Cindy and Kay-Lin, kisses on the baby too.
I miss you.
I'll see you soon.

Love and G-Forces,
Baylee

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