Kalypso's Sketchbook-Journal - III

Kalypso's Journals

Kalypso Leto, 66 ACH

I saw some things today that I won't ever get out of my head. Heard some things on the tactical comm that'll stick with me. We lost two pilots, but the mission was a success. We got the supplies we needed. I faced fire from the cylons for the first time and heard the blasts ricocheting off the hull of my Raptor. Lieutenant Jasper, "Poet" that is, didn't say much to me when we got back. She doesn't seem terribly talkative, at least to me. I guess I did alright out there for my first real combat mission… hard to say. I held it together and got the job done. It's just going to take a while to process everything, especially losing two of the Viper pilots.

"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers."

Was that why you didn't want to join the military, Dion? Because no matter the outcome, you wouldn't walk away the same again? Because you can walk away physically unscathed, but not undamaged? You tell yourself: at least I walked away from this one. I lived to fight and fly another day. I didn't really know what it would be like. This kind of thing was something I never expected to have to experience. Not like this. Not on this level. This is war. The cylons give us no choice. It's fight back or the human race dies out completely. I know you didn't understand my choice, but you supported it and you supported me. I'm sorry that I threw it back in your face when I left. I was never very good at making relationships work. I guess I can blame the poor example my parents set for me for that too… or just own up to it and say that I was too stubborn and just made it harder than it had to be. I think you knew that. I hope you knew that.

I was never very good at writing back to you. It always seemed like some chore that I didn't have time for. Hell, half the time I didn't read the letters you'd send me until there were a couple of them waiting for me. Funny that I can find comfort in writing now. I've still got the letters you sent me that last year while I was on the Hera. Haven't ever opened them. They're just sitting in my locker, tied up with a blue ribbon. I guess I just didn't want to know what was in them after the things I said to you. Forgiveness wasn't something that I deserved. Or the other option… if they had something about you moving on with you life, without me. Maybe you found someone else. Maybe it's better that way. Or maybe you were waiting for me to come home. Don't know if I'll ever be ready to open them.

Pietr is here. I let him read some of the other letters you sent me. The ones while I was at the Academy? I hope you don't mind. I didn't think you would. He wished he'd gotten more of a chance to get to know you, and you always wrote such great letters. I don't know what he was doing tonight. Maybe he was with Lieutenant Bayless and the other Raptor crew. Maybe he was still on the Genesis. He said if I ever am ready to read those other letters, that I can do it in his quarters. So I can have some privacy. There's not many places on this ship that you can really get that. You were right though. Your older brother is a good man. It's like having an older brother of my own. Makes it easier.

All's I want is a hot shower, a cold drink, and to listen to you sing again. But we're on Condition One right now and I have to be ready to go back out there on a moment's notice if need be. It's going to be a long night.

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