Rhea's Dead Letter Office

Rhea Zimmermann writes some messages to the abyss…

Dated 25 ACH

Dear Ray,
I'm sorry about the way I left things between us, and I'm sorry I never answered your letters. At first, it was because I was angry. Later, it was because I knew I was wrong, and I couldn't face up to it. I treated you badly. Dad told me you were doing well. That you were on Aquaria, ministering at one of the sea shrines to Poseidon. I still don't understand how you did it, after everything Mom put herself through in the name of the gods. But you were always stronger than I was, in a lot of ways. I'm sorry you never got to meet your nephew. We didn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things as we got older, but you protected me from a lot of frakked-up stuff when we were kids. You saved my life, and I don't think I ever thanked you properly. I wish I could have known the man you became. I wish you could have known me. You're the only brother I ever had and I love you, and I hope you were able to find peace.

Dear Ephraim,
I'm sorry we'll never have Picon the way we planned. I'm sorry we wasted so much time concentrating on stupid things and fighting about petty bullshit. I'm sorry about all the times I sacrificed time with you for my career. I'm sorry I fantasized about other men. I'm sorry we never got farther than talking about having another baby. Our son is safe. I've managed that much, at least. Jesse's looking in on him, and he's with people I trust. He's so like you, it blows my mind sometimes when I catch little things he does. In a lot of ways I'm luckier than most. So many parents have lost their children. I don't know how you come back from that. Did you know Jesse had a little daughter? Diana. I just want to see him through this. He's been a rock for me, and for Reece. I'm latching onto that, and whatever else solid I can. There's so much noise in my head right now. I feel like I'm drowning in it. It seems like the only times its quiet is…but never mind about that. That's just an escape, a little pocket of unreality, and it's not fair to anyone for me to fall into it. I love you, Zimm. It wasn't always perfect but it was real. I just wish I could've had another thirteen years.

Dear Dad,
I’m sorry I didn't spend more time with you. There were a lot of things I wanted to leave behind when I left Sagittaron but I never wanted you to be one of them. I still wish you'd come to live with Ephraim's parents on Tauron, like we talked about. But I understand why you stayed. You'd worked so hard to build something there. I've been thinking about what you used to say. Be about the work. Get outside your head, put your hands into something solid. I know you weren't just talking about engines. Life is what you build. I'm trying to be about the work right now. My son, my ship, my snipes, the friends I have left. Everything I love. I hope I made myself into something you could be proud of, Dad. I hope I can still find good work in what humanity's left with.

Love always,

Rhea

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