The Woman on the Roof

((Deleted entry in Jesse Zaharis' journal, written just after Smash and Grab - Hospital))

Sharon Valerii

What does that name even mean? How does a cylon acquire such a human thing as a name? Was it taken from someone alive? Given at some macabre mechanical birth? How insane do I have to be going to sit here and think about how I never knew where my own name came from, never knew the names of my parents or who they were, or where I came from…and feel sick wondering if that same gap exists in her mind.

A cylon. Flesh and silica.

I saw her face down there on the rooftop of that hospital. Valerii looking back at me through the Raptor window.

I couldn't help but wonder if she knew me. If she knew that for two weeks I've been cutting and slicing into two exact replicas of her in that lab. If she knew that I could tell her every physical detail about herself, that I have seen what she's made of down to her very genes. That I've seen her body laid bare…and dead…and now alive again.

I slept for twenty minutes in my office. I remember a few minutes of a dream. Standing in the middle of a city, surrounded by a crowd and trying to push my way through. Everyone who turned around had that face, that frakking face of hers. A thousand of her, all looking at me, and suddenly they all spoke. Said something that I couldn't understand but I knew was my name, and then one of their hands was around my throat, squeezing…

I woke up in a cold sweat. Someone was knocking on my door and there, shocked out of sleep, I had a moment where I expected her to be the one in the doorway.

My hands shake for a few minutes until I'm more awake. I pick up my charts and go back to work.

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