Two Days Sober

42 ACH

Zahariah,

I slid. I forgot about myself and I slid. Kind of ironic, isn't it? Back in the day I used to hate being around people on uppers. You know you've been down in the pits when you find that funny.

All those years, all that work. Is that all we are? Only worth as much as our mistakes? Does 36 years of me all just boil down to the worst mistake I ever made? I can't believe that that's true.

I'm grateful that I love someone. I'm grateful for my friends. But gods, I'm surrounded by such perfect people. Such brave, beautiful, perfect frakking people who always do the right thing and have these valorous lives and their shining halos. Goddammit. Where are the human beings? Where did they all go?

I would cut off my left foot right now just to hear one person say "Hey, I've messed up too". Sometimes it's all you want to hear. And nobody will admit it.

Be human. You told me that. Remember people like us, you said, because few else will. Remember that I have debts to pay back. And get the frak up and own my bullshit.

I'm going to. I promise you I'm going to. I know what I have to do now and I've already started. I am responsible for the health of this fleet. Even now. And even now, I will do my job. A million little pieces, one by one. 1.) Get out of bed. 2.) Go eat. 3.) Get to work.

1,000,000.) Succeed.

I miss you, Z. I can't get to the place I usually burn these letters. So I'm just going to hit delete now.

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